As a marriage breaks down, divorcing parents have their family dynamics fundamentally change. The parties’ children bear the brunt of this impact. As their parents try to navigate the end of a phase of their lives, the children often get swept up in changes of what they have known their entire life. Co-parenting requires a thoughtful approach rooted in communication, flexibility, and a commitment to the well-being of the children when parties aren’t getting divorced. After divorce, these principles must be considered even more.
Communication
Arguably the most common post-divorce parenting issue is poor communication between co-parents. When conversations are argumentative, strained or avoided, misunderstandings and resentment occur. It’s essential to maintain open, respectful, and child-focused communication. This blog has emphasized the use of co-parenting apps in the past as a way to communicate in a manner that help keeps these ideals in mind.
Communication encompasses many subjects, from how to deal with a child with behavioral issues to scheduling doctor’s appointments. A detailed parenting plan that outlines regular parenting time, holidays, and special occasions can help avoid disputes, but communication about that schedule remains paramount. It’s also important to remain flexible. Life happens—illnesses, special events, or travel delays may require adjustments, and a willingness to accommodate each other fosters cooperation. Speaking with an attorney before filing with court, may make these situations easier.
Stable Households
Children need stability. Parents would do well to discuss conflicting parenting styles or household rules to avoid creating confusion and anxiety. While it’s unlikely that both households will operate identically, agreeing on core rules and routines can give children a sense of continuity. Some common areas to consider are screen-time, bedtime, chores and punishments.
Likewise, economic stability is just as important. Child support, medical expenses, and education costs often become points of contention. It’s essential to follow court-ordered obligations and to revisit financial arrangements as children grow and needs change. Mediation or legal consultation may help resolve disputes without returning to court.
Emotional Strain and Alienation
Divorce is emotionally taxing for kids. They may experience sadness, anger, confusion, or guilt. Parents should create space for open emotional expression and reassure their children that the divorce is not their fault. Counseling is almost always a good idea even in more collaborative circumstances. Unfortunately, parents may intentionally or unintentionally turn the child against the other parent. Courts take allegations of parental alienation seriously, and parents should be mindful not to speak negatively about their co-parent in front of the child. You should arrange a time to speak to an attorney before filing with Court to determine what steps you should take if your child is struggling emotionally.
Conclusion
Co-parenting post-divorce requires patience, empathy, and a shared commitment to the children’s best interests. Parents should be trying to create a stable environment where children feel safe, supported, and loved—by both parents. When these co-parenting situations become difficult, or you find yourself feeling lost, speaking to an attorney is a good idea. If you have questions about parenting through divorce or a separation, contact one of the experienced attorneys at Parnell, Michels & McKay, PLLC. We can provide you with practical parenting advice conjoined with the legal knowledge necessary to develop a path forward.
Rory Parnell is a graduate of Southern New Hampshire University and New England Law – Boston. Rory worked full-time, for the then Law Offices of Parnell & McKay, every year he was in law school, and has been working at Parnell & McKay and then Parnell, Michels & McKay since 2002. Rory has been a partner at the firm since 2017, and dedicates his practice primarily to civil litigation.
Rory has been admitted to the New Hampshire and Massachusetts Bar Associations since 2011, and is licensed to practice in the United States District Court of New Hampshire. Rory works primarily in the areas of Injury (including motor vehicle collisions, motorcycle collisions, slip and falls, dog bites, trip and falls, and other injuries), Workers Compensation, Real Estate Litigation, Landlord/Tenant, Disability, and General Litigation areas.
Awards and Recognition's:
2021 Forty Under 40 Honoree from the Union Leader
2020 Pro Bono Distinguished Service Award
2017 New Hampshire Bar Foundation -Robert Kirby Award
2014 Pro Bono Rising Star Award
L. Jonathan Ross Award Winner for 2024
Professional and Charitable Affiliations:
Member – New Hampshire Association for Justice
Member – Massachusetts Academy for Trial Attorneys
Member – Queen City Rotary Club
Vice Chair – 603 Legal Aid
President – The Bridge Project (501c3)
Member – Daniel Webster-Batchelder American Inns of Court
Member – NH Bar Lawyer Referral Service Committee